idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
