I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
