You kept trying to hail an ambulance
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize