At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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