If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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