Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
