I hope mine doesn't look like that
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
