Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
