She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
