You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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