I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
