not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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