You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
