I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
