You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
