So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
