I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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