i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
