Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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