I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
