He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
