I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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