I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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