He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
