I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
