I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
