So drunk its hurt
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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