I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
