question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
