So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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