Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
