I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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