If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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