if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't deserve a penis
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
