I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
