just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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