he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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