Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
