Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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