forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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