first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
