The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
