yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
4 words: hood of his car
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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