Got a toothbrush?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
