More tranny stories later!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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