you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
