We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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