How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
