I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
