there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
