the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
