and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
