yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
